Home - what does that actually mean?
What do you think? Is home a house, a feeling, a place where you once lived, a place where you’ve never lived, perhaps even a community?
Also, how do you know when you are home?
In April this year I moved back to the UK after living in Thailand for almost 8 years.
When I told people I was returning, they would always reference the UK as my home.
“You’re going back home”.
But I didn’t feel like I was going back home.
I was moving to a town that was new to me, in an area I hadn’t lived in for over 20 years but most importantly, I wasn’t the same person I was 8 years ago when I left the UK.
How could I say I was going back home when I didn’t feel like it was my home that I was going to?
People often think that when you return to your home country after living abroad, you just slot right back in, but I didn’t feel that way.
Living abroad changes you.
You change how you act, speak, what you eat, your daily routines and your relationships.
You live life differently.
When I arrived in the UK I didn’t want to just slot right back in. And what was I really slotting back into?
Friendships I had before I left the UK had shifted, understandably. As we all walk new paths and realise that some friends are in our lives for a season. And that’s ok.
The places I used to go to before, felt different, because I was different.
I worked in a different industry and had very different values.
I didn’t slot back into any of my previous UK life. This was a new chapter.
So 3 months in, does the UK feel like home again? I’m pleased to say, yes, it does.
What I quickly realised was that home isn’t a physical place to me, it’s the feeling of being home that helps me call a place home.
So what does this feeling actually feel like?
It’s the joy in your surroundings.
It’s the familiar smells and sounds.
It’s the same faces, a community.
It’s noticing the small things that you only really notice after the tenth time.
It’s the routines and the barista who knows your coffee order.
For me a routine has been a vital part of the ‘feeling of being home’. I am lucky to live one road away from the coast and enjoy walks along the beach almost everyday - something I did every morning in Thailand. I regularly go to a Crossfit gym not just for fitness but for the community. I journal daily, explore local cafes and enjoy the sunshine as much as I can.
This all helps me to create the feeling of being home.
But there’s been one anchor statement that has helped me in times of doubt and missing (my Thailand) home: Trust in the process.
You can’t ever be certain how you’ll feel coming home. Even if it’s returning to a house you lived in for 25 years, a new city that you’ve researched endlessly and you're confident it’s your vibe or a place that just sounds exciting.
What we can be certain of is trusting in the process that it’s possible to create the feeling of being home.
It may take one year, one month or maybe just one day, but you’ll get there and if you ever feel like you’ve lost that feeling I’ll leave you with one thought…
Home really is where your heart is, and that is right here, in this moment.
Kat Amey is a Life Coach who helps people ditch conventional ideas of success and create a life that feels uniquely purposeful. Through understanding their values, she helps her clients figure out what success really means to them and then take steps to make it happen. Kat also hosts wellbeing workshops and retreats in the UK.
Main image by Ellie Letch, coffee image by Anna Considine from Studio Gently.
Did you enjoy this piece on finding home? Then you might also like our current “Homecoming Issue” (heiter print issue 2). You can find it here.
