If you are one of the heiter newsletter subscribers, you might remember that only a few months back I had reached a point where I found it hard to find my own heiter moments. With two kids at home, several sick days (for both my kids, but also my husband and I) and hardly any time for my work and myself, I found myself worn out, de-motivated and lonely. The work/life routine I had created when we only had one kid was gone - which meant no more hot drinks in peace, baths, listening to audiobooks whilst tidying up the house and consistent working hours (for those of you who don’t know me: I love work and all the creativity that comes with it. I don’t need much of it but if I can’t do it at all, I don’t feel like myself). Due to a new living situation, we didn’t have the privacy we were used to. My husband and I seemed to have no time for ourselves anymore and seeing friends was rare. As a result of all of the above, I found myself feeling physically and mentally drained.

At the beginning of the year I set myself a goal: I wanted to find more heiter moments again. I’ve always been a firm believer that Heiterkeit (which is German for joy/the noun that comes with heiter) is attainable. Also, it comes with far lower expectations (therefore less pressure), and it is personal and unique: Heiterkeit depends fully on an individual and the situation they are in. For some reason I had forgotten that in my own life. I was upset, worn out and mourned the heiter moments I managed to integrate into my everyday before we had two kids and lived in our previous home. I wanted to get out of that rut. After some reflecting and re-evaluating I realised that re-defining my heiter moments and making them fit for my new situation could be the solution I was looking for. It worked! However, that meant lowering my expectations (even more), acceptance of more imperfections in my life and letting go off some of the things that usually bring me comfort. Here are a few examples of how that now looks:

The peaceful cup of coffee that I used to enjoy by myself is now a simple cup of coffee - often made by my husband so that I can sip it (quickly) whilst the kids wake up and take over our bed.
Longer baths (that I had now and then when kid one was at daycare) are now replaced with quick showers when the baby naps. They only take few minutes but I make an effort to use products that I love and are good for my body. That way I get the best out of these few minutes.
I get dressed! I make sure to do so in clothes that I love and bring me joy. This little routine keeps me connected to my inner self, and it reminds me that I am still Kiki, the girl that used to work in fashion and had fun with her clothes (even though I am a mum in her mid thirties now). I document my daily looks and share them in the stories of my personal IG profile if you’d like to have look.
Phones away during dinner: that way I can catch up and connect with my husband, even on the days where we don’t have any time to ourselves.
I try and meet a friend for coffee or lunch once a week (and just take the baby along). I often combine that with going to a cafe or restaurant I always wanted to visit. Now and then that coffee out is replaced with an online coffee date which is fun too. That way I can catch up with friends/business pals that do not live close by.
I planned a festival themed birthday weekend away with a few close friends and my family (see photo). I am aware that that is not something everyone can do but I really wanted to do it and made it work.
I ignore the endless piles of washing around me as much as I can.
I work with an app that allows me to plan and cook healthy meals for myself and my family. I can create shopping lists with that app too. That way I still get to cook (which is something I enjoy) but I don’t spend lots of time on it.
My husband takes the kids out for two hours a week so that I can work a bit. My aunt watches the kids for an hour on Tuesdays so that I can join a group coaching call - and I make an effort to join all heiter sessions (which are workshops and gatherings for our readers), even if that means bringing the baby along. All of that helps me to continue focusing on my business.

My life often feels chaotic and messy but as you can see in the examples above, I’ve managed to take what I’ve got and find Heiterkeit in it. I know that this phase in my life won’t last forever and that there will be times where I will have the chance to add more (and longer) heiter moments to my everyday again. Right now, I am trying to be grateful for what I’ve got and fully enjoy it. It has made such a big difference and I am happier again. I have more energy. Last but not least, I am kinder to myself which allows me to be closer to the mum, wife, business owner and friend I want to be.

What I would like to say by sharing the above? No matter the situation you’re currently in, you can find Heiterkeit. Life is an unexpected journey and we never know what it will throw at us. We can however, be open to the fact that joy is achievable and that it is round the corner if we invite it in. We can shift our focus and celebrate the things that bring us joy, even though there is chaos around us. Joy can look different and might not work the same way for each phase of our lives but it exists and we can find it. We just have to be willing to adapt, lean into what we’ve got and fully embrace it. If I can do it, you can do it too.

Be heiter!

Katharina Geissler-Evans is the founder & editor-in-chief of heiter. If Katharina doesn’t write, curate and talk about all things heiter, she spends a great deal of her time with community work, advocating for sustainable fashion choices and exploring different aspects of joyful living. Katharina, who describes herself as “a multi-passionate creative”, lives with her husband and their two kids in an old farmhouse in Austria.

Image by tobetold

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Soft, velvety fur runs under my fingers; a moment of tactile pleasure. A leap, and he’s on my back as I make breakfast, his chin on my shoulder to watch and purr in my ear; the sound vibrating down my back and making me smile. His mischief is infectious.

I sit to eat my breakfast and he curls up on my lap, rotating once, twice, three times before plonk! into position. Warmth and love fill my chest; for this little creature, for early mornings, for moments like these.

I drink my coffee, I open my journal, I watch as it gets bright outside. The quiet allows me to wake up slowly, to sink a little deeper into myself, to drift through the moment － suspended － simply as a living, breathing presence. I’m here, I’m alive. I’m feeling, what? Tired or energised? Happy or sad? Stressed or inspired?

The truth is － it doesn’t really matter how I feel. What matters is that I’ve taken a moment to find out, to listen what’s within and without, to acknowledge whatever emotion or thought shows up. When you take a moment to bask in the silence, you can hear what’s going on. For me, that’s when I feel grateful － for the taste of my food, for the view out of my window, for pausing in this way, as this is what I need to do in order to feel joy, to feel heiter. By taking these breathers every morning and throughout my day, I’m allowing space for joy, thereby improving my mental health, my resilience, and an overall sense of calm and contentment.

Generally, we assume that joy isn’t within our control, that we have to wait for life to send us good things in order to feel satisfaction. So we wait for the highs － for the dream holiday to relax; for an achievement that we can celebrate; for the perfect relationship or family so that we might feel less lonely. As a result, we’re always striving, working towards the next thing, expecting more to come. More fun, more money, more success, more love, more stuff. But when they come, they often pass us by unnoticed, because we’re so focussed on jumping onto the next thing. We spend our holidays taking photos and posting on Instagram rather than truly enjoying the experience in the moment. We have a success at work, but we think only of what’s still left to accomplish. We delay pleasure, because we’ve forgotten how to feel it, or because, perhaps on some level, we don’t believe that we deserve it.

This isn’t our fault. The modern world has shaped us this way. Our phones facilitate constant hits of dopamine and adrenaline, which leave us stressed out, distracted and unable to concentrate. Life goes by, in a blur of busy-ness and too-much-to-do, so when we finally step back from the routine to pause, we find that we can’t switch off.

Fortunately, this can easily be changed. We don’t have to keep on waiting for those highs, or wonder why we feel empty in-between the good times, or even during the good times. Joy is a habit that can be cultivated, it can be practised in the every-day. The more we do so, the feeling deepens and expands inside us, so our capacity for heiter increases. Just think, if small moments can give you an electric charge of delight, then when those ‘bigger’ achievements or celebrations come, you’ll be open to such a deep sense of euphoria you might never have imagined.

Take last Sunday as an example; a fairly standard moment in my life that could be utterly transformed by how I chose to view it.

I was travelling home from Munich, where I’d been for a few days of work. I was stressed because I had to make a train at 6am and I hadn’t sleep very much. At the station, my internet stopped working on my phone so I struggled to retrieve my ticket. I was exhausted after an intense few days, and the seven-hour journey before getting home felt like for-ev-errr. I had a heavy bag and I was gasping for a cup of coffee, but the station cafés weren’t open yet (!), so I had to settle for the undrinkable stuff on the train, when I had been so looking forward to an oat cappuccino. I wanted to read my book, but I was so sleepy that the words fuzzed before my eyes. I was uncomfortable in my seat, it was noisy, and I just needed to get some rest. This is how I could have spent my morning: grumpy and on-edge.

Luckily, I’m not new to this game. I know how to redirect my energy and revel in the positive rather than the negative. So I flipped my perspective the right way up and the morning went like so: I was proud of myself for working with a new client on a Soul Sign portrait experience, which went really well. I managed to be up at the crack of dawn, to make it to the train in plenty of time (yay) and I resolved my ticket mishap. I couldn’t find coffee in the station, but I did get one on-board. I had a delicious pastry to eat and my book was so gripping that I barely put it down, aside from when I paused to look out at the stunning mountain views passing by my window. I spent my journey feeling cheerful at the thought of arriving home to a cuddle with my cat and a well-earned afternoon snooze.

The events were the same, but I could choose how to experience them. This doesn’t just come naturally, stress is ever-present and it wants to suck us back in. The human brain does have a negativity bias, which means that joy is a little harder to access, but thankfully, we can train our brains to notice and enhance it. The more we experience those good feels, the easier and more often they’ll come.

If you’re not sure how to do that, then you’re in the right place. Heiter shares prompts frequently on ways we can experience more joy.

My favourite methods involve getting out of my head and into my body, without having to carve out extra time in my schedule:

I put on a good playlist that I can dance to when I’m cleaning or folding laundry, it makes doing chores a whole lot more fun! Also we know that movement and vibrations from music or singing have been proven to lift our moods.
Moisturise! How often, after a shower, do you rush to get ready and run out to work? Do you really not have two minutes to give yourself a quick massage with body butter or oil? Take a few deep breaths and feel how lovely it is to know that you’re taking care of your skin, that this is an act of love to yourself. Also, your future self will thank you! When I do this I feel more deeply connected to my body and to myself.
Eat mindfully, I cannot stress how important this is. Most of us work behind a screen, so we spend most of our time there without also scrolling on social media or watching Netflix over our meals. Put the screens away when you eat, just savour the quiet, the tastes and the textures, the act of nourishing your body. If you’re in the habit of watching something over food, don’t worry － this is a surprisingly easy habit to break.

To live joyfully means to reject urgency culture and hustle. We may have to make a concerted effort to find heiter moments in the mundane, in the every-day, by putting down our phones and immersing ourselves in the present. It might take some time to stop allowing ourselves to be consumed by our worries, but it is so worth it. Bad days will still come, of course, but we’ll be more prepared for them when they do. We’ll know where and how to find joy, making the tough moments that bit more bearable, and making the good moments that bit more magical.

Tamzin Merivale is an Irish artist and writer, on a mission to explore true, diverse stories, to hold space, and to guide people to transform their lives through intuitive artwork. 'Soul Signs' facilitates her clients in their quest to unearth their true, powerful selves, and incorporates energetic portraiture to show them their incomparable light and life story. She also writes a popular newsletter which gives readers tools and insights to release their struggles to feel free and aligned. You can sign up here.

Image by Jacqueline Munguía via Unsplash.

Choosing joy: little steps to help find my way back to Heiterkeit

Heiterkeit: cultivating moments of joy in everyday life